A few weeks ago I noticed God started pointing our several things in my day to day life that I hadn’t really picked up on or my mind was too crowded to hear previously. It really surprised me because I hadn’t been reading my bible and then suddenly verses kept popping up in my head and sure enough they were spot on.

24 “No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and [a]mammon. (NKJV)

I’ve heard this one all my life and until recently I’ve had people use it in a way towards me that has been very judgmental. I always brushed it off my shoulder and continued on what I was doing. I have always avoided things I thought could have a demonic presence, I wasn’t stupid and I knew that the devil wiggles his way in somehow but I guess it never fully clicked how or in what way and the people that did commit to this verse seemed extreme and ‘holier than thou’.

One day I was on my way to pick my husband up from work and I was listening to music. As of late I hadn’t really been listening to music, watching videos (long form or short) or really anything online. I had been getting overwhelmed by it and everything seemed super superficial and just uncomfortable. But on this day I felt a little less overwhelmed by those feelings so I wanted to jam out a little. I was listening to my playlist and it just seemed too much and just unrelatable so I turned it off. I wasn’t really understanding the feeling but I continued on my day. The weekend came around and I decided to play some music while I picked up my house and I started playing worship music, there was a lot of upbeat ones and I found myself feeling okay and not overstimulated. The next week I continued listening to worship music and just doing my thing and then one of the days I decided I wanted to listen to some of my old songs because I really missed the beat.

At first I was fine and didn’t really notice anything off and then one of my more sexual songs came on and I started feeling repulsed and just couldn’t stomach it anymore in that moment. And like a rock from heaven that verse popped into my head and it finally clicked. All my life I had always brushed stuff like music off because I didn’t listen to ‘demon worshipping music’ and I didn’t listen to anything that took God’s name in vain. But from that moment it all made sense. why would we thrive and enjoy earthly things and expect to enjoy heaven? There’s not going to be singing about twerking, or how good another preforms acts on another or even all the talk about money and jewels. There’s not going to be dissing or devaluing other humans. It’s going to be about God. And if that feels too strong for you, another thing that I realized is how disrespectful I was being to my body, how I was sexualizing it in a way that wasn’t pure. (Yes I think you can be pure and sexy) I just realized that I held on to that type of music because I had hated my body for a very long time and that music was the only thing that made me feel sexy because all of those women were sexy to me while they were doing that. Sexy or not they are daughters of my Father and I was treating them no better than a perverted man. I’m still finding things since that are clicking with that verse and I don’t think it’s going to change anytime soon.

Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:14–30)

I’ve been watching reels a lot more since all of these realizations have started as it’s a lot to process and some of the things are hard to let go of. However one of the good things about our God is he meets you where you are, and that he did on one of my random scrolls.

I was a few minutes in and a video popped up and this lady was explaining how often times we pray hard for things that we want and God blesses us with them yet we are stuck in the wanting cycle. So even though God has given us (I’ll use myself as reference) a house, vehicles, a husband, a good job and the ability to take care of my body I still was consistently wanting to make more money, to whine about not having enough time, to procrastinate all the things I want to do and so on that I was missing out on the enjoyment of what he has given me. I wasn’t keeping my house clean yet I wanted more money so I could make it bigger. I wasn’t working out or eating heathy or even stretching yet I want my body to be capable of carrying a child. I was wanting more on my plate yet every time I try to work on the things he’s given me to do I get more overwhelmed than just ignoring it.

I wanted more and more even though I haven’t been a good steward of what I do have. So I’ve started changing that, little by little I’m keeping the house clean, I’m making us healthy and delicious meals even if I feel too tired to cook, I’m paying more attention to those around me then my phone.

Procrastination (Proverbs 24:23–34 ‘Further sayings of the wise’)

A few nights back I challenged my husband to read something from the bible while we waited on the instant-pot to finish. He opened the bible up to Proverbs and started reading. During the 15 minute read chapter 24 stuck with me, especially the later part.

Further Sayings of the Wise

23 These also are sayings of the wise:

To show partiality in judging is not good:
24 Whoever says to the guilty, “You are innocent,”
will be cursed by peoples and denounced by nations.
25 But it will go well with those who convict the guilty,
and rich blessing will come on them.

26 An honest answer
is like a kiss on the lips.

27 Put your outdoor work in order
and get your fields ready;
after that, build your house.

28 Do not testify against your neighbor without cause —
would you use your lips to mislead?
29 Do not say, “I’ll do to them as they have done to me;
I’ll pay them back for what they did.”

30 I went past the field of a sluggard,
past the vineyard of someone who has no sense;
31 thorns had come up everywhere,
the ground was covered with weeds,
and the stone wall was in ruins.
32 I applied my heart to what I observed
and learned a lesson from what I saw:
33 A little sleep, a little slumber,
a little folding of the hands to rest —
34 and poverty will come on you like a thief
and scarcity like an armed man.

Later after eating I once again began scrolling and God once more met me there to reinforce what was being said. A reel popped up and it was talking about procrastination and how we should pray it away. That we procrastinate because we feel we have tomorrow and in turn we never do the things God has set on our heart to be.

This one struck me hard because I was once obsessed with the hustle culture and after some medical issues I realized I wasn’t taking care of myself and I needed to slow down. This was really hard for me but I can now say I’m thankful it happened and I am in a much better place physically and mentally.

However I have noticed recently that I am coming up on a new season in my life and I’m struggling to let go of the relaxed life. Yet the more I think about it the more I realize I’m not, I just need to find my balance. I tend to go to one extreme or the other and I need to learn how to be okay in the middle.

Little to say God has been talking to me a lot and I’m excited to see what he leads me to next.